This space fell off my radar the last 6 months. So sorry if you check in here on my experiences, I guess I just haven't felt much to report. I'm still breastfeeding my (now) two year old. She really only nurses once or twice a day, but it's still important to her. She has no problem with the nights, but pretty much always asks for milk first thing in the AM and then before bed. I'm feeling that this is something we can taper off soon, but I'll just take it as it comes because I know these little moments of closeness only last so long with my baby. 2 years old!
If you check here, so sorry that I haven't been posting. I guess breastfeeding has been something there in my life, but not on the front lines. It's the thing that I do daily without thinking. The way you brush your teeth. Not something you think to write about. So I've forgotten to journal here, even though it's still apart of my everyday. An important part, that I still want to share.
My almost 20m. old is still breastfeeding everyday and it doesn't seem to be ending. Her interest in it is still strong. She mainly nurses before sleep times (nap and night) and then on busy days she'll nurse once or twice in the day (more on quieter days). I'm content with this. Food is such a big thing in our daily lives, the nursing/milk just seems to be a sweet nurishing moment for her and I. She'll also ask in the night sometimes still...and the very early mornings. These are the times I've been ready to give up. Sickness, tiredness, travel and teething play a part in these times not being cut out. It's time to start regulated a better routine (for a more rested mom).
These last few days I have been adding in more and more liquids for my girl to sip out of a sippy...not the breast. She has always liked soy milk, teas and water, so this has been easy. I've been giving us both extra vit. C and Echinacea in these teas. Right now we both are at the end of a cold/flu so it's been a good reminder to add more fluids during the day anyway.
My thinking has been that the more she drinks, the less she will come to me and ask to nurse. This has not been the way it's been going. Maybe in the day a but, not at night though. I'm not trying very hard to say no, I just wait until she's asked a few times before nursing. At bedtime I will nurse a bit before and then give her chamomile tea after story etc. Middle-of-the-night-times have been going about the same though-about 2-4x during the night and early morning. My pain has been subtle, but still there.
I realized after the last post I made, that it might be extreme for a few reasons. Extreme to hold off weening if in serious pain. Extreme for wanting to ween when some days are tolerable still. Extreme for not trusting that she'll be healthy and strong even if we stopped this week. Extreme to be upset and emotion about this. Really not decided...Can you tell?
One thing I do know, is that when she has wandered over to me in the last few days saying "Mama, Mama" and I have pretended that I don't know just what it is that she wants...it's been heart breaking. She finds her way to my lap, hangs her head down low and nuzzles in and starts to ask even sweeter in a soft little way. "Mama? Mama?" And I know that we aren't finished with this yet.
This is a difficult post for me to write because not everyone that reads what I write understands fully how much this means to me and my children. I have been thinking that I have to ween my 14 month old from breastfeeding. This might seem like no big deal, but to me...it is. She still nurses many times through out the day, it's her main source of liquid besides some water and tea here and there, she really enjoys it, asks for it, and it is one of those tender times for the two of us each day. She eats loads of good food and meals with us, just like her big sister, but this is still something I feel is so important for her that I might be taking away.
There are so many reasons to keep with nursing, that most know already so I don't have to go into it. But the reason for stopping this phase of her *babyhood* (and her nutrition!) is because of the pain that I'm still experiencing with the overgrowth of yeast and Candida. (She finally is rid of the thrush aspect of it, and it might not be long before she gets that from me again.) Sure, right now my system is down and I'm feeling more weakened and prone to the discomfort from having the flu, but I really feel like I can't do this anymore. The pain is something that I have been trying to ignore and really can't anymore.
In writing this, I'm not sure if I will post. Not because I am shy of talking about breasts...after all this is what this blog is for ;) But because I'm not sure if I want to admit to the world that I'm cutting my girl off. It means THIS much to me. My first went until age 2, the littler one should as well. (I would have nursed long with my first, but she was the one that was pretty much done-that's not the case right now.) I haven't completely decided this, and it's not going to come easily between her and I, but this might be the next phase to better health for myself (ironically after all that breastfeeding does) and my girl.
Every mother has their reasons for nursing a little bit, a long time, even longer, or not at all. I understand this and always want to respect it. When it comes to my children and what I know in my gut about how to care for them, I feel like I have all the right to judge myself. This has been something so important in her first year of life and can possibly be for longer. I'm just expressing my feelings as I try and decide what to do. I can't imagine giving her cow's milk in place of mama's. It's that simple. She does drink a lot of soy, but with that I haven't replaced the breast. If this is the next step, I have to think about as not replacing, but just a new way of giving her a complete diet. Either way, a bit of morning comes from this mama.
SO this is what is on my mind. As I sit with my sleeping girl next to me, typing, knowing that she's going to ask for mama's milk soon to fill her tummy up again after a long nap. I want to give this to her. It's as natural to me as watching her grow, and loving her.
I know that I need to take some time to record how BFeeding has been going in my own life, especially since this is a "log" for that ;) and I have been going through quite a time lately in this "department". Here's a post I wrote abut the Yeast-thrush-battle my 13 month old and I have been dealing with.
Tonight, though feeling a lot better then I have been, I still am cringing with the thought of another night of night feedings. My little one is better, but I still have infected breasts and the pain feels very deep and makes the nights long, even when she only wakes a few times. Hope to have a more upbeat post soon. I'm just trying to take care of my health and continue healthy breastfeeding...