Monday, May 11, 2009

Is it time...?

This is a difficult post for me to write because not everyone that reads what I write understands fully how much this means to me and my children. I have been thinking that I have to ween my 14 month old from breastfeeding. This might seem like no big deal, but to me...it is. She still nurses many times through out the day, it's her main source of liquid besides some water and tea here and there, she really enjoys it, asks for it, and it is one of those tender times for the two of us each day. She eats loads of good food and meals with us, just like her big sister, but this is still something I feel is so important for her that I might be taking away.

There are so many reasons to keep with nursing, that most know already so I don't have to go into it. But the reason for stopping this phase of her *babyhood* (and her nutrition!) is because of the pain that I'm still experiencing with the overgrowth of yeast and Candida. (She finally is rid of the thrush aspect of it, and it might not be long before she gets that from me again.) Sure, right now my system is down and I'm feeling more weakened and prone to the discomfort from having the flu, but I really feel like I can't do this anymore. The pain is something that I have been trying to ignore and really can't anymore.

In writing this, I'm not sure if I will post. Not because I am shy of talking about breasts...after all this is what this blog is for ;) But because I'm not sure if I want to admit to the world that I'm cutting my girl off. It means THIS much to me. My first went until age 2, the littler one should as well. (I would have nursed long with my first, but she was the one that was pretty much done-that's not the case right now.) I haven't completely decided this, and it's not going to come easily between her and I, but this might be the next phase to better health for myself (ironically after all that breastfeeding does) and my girl.

Every mother has their reasons for nursing a little bit, a long time, even longer, or not at all. I understand this and always want to respect it. When it comes to my children and what I know in my gut about how to care for them, I feel like I have all the right to judge myself. This has been something so important in her first year of life and can possibly be for longer. I'm just expressing my feelings as I try and decide what to do. I can't imagine giving her cow's milk in place of mama's. It's that simple. She does drink a lot of soy, but with that I haven't replaced the breast. If this is the next step, I have to think about as not replacing, but just a new way of giving her a complete diet. Either way, a bit of morning comes from this mama.

SO this is what is on my mind. As I sit with my sleeping girl next to me, typing, knowing that she's going to ask for mama's milk soon to fill her tummy up again after a long nap. I want to give this to her. It's as natural to me as watching her grow, and loving her.

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