Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Yesterday's thoughts on "Earliest Moments"

So this what comes to mind when thinking about the earliest, newest moment of breastfeeding my first girl. It's all a bit blurry, but this is why I have to write it somewhere. this (I have to write really fast tonight because SOMEONE WILL NOT stay asleep upstairs.)

first 5 minutes of putting her to my breast...
Hello, little girl.
Hello little head.
oh, little head.
So perfect, this little body naked against me.
Fits in just right.
oh, I'm a mother
oh, yes. This is the way I feed her.
She's sucking!
Am I doing this right?
Is she breathing.
She fits.
This is just where she fits.
Little rosie face, little pink mouth, hot small breathes.
Quickly sucking.
My little love pulling at my heart.

Hours of this, on and off and on again for those first 24 hours or so.

Then the not quite so magical time. When I couldn't sit up to hold her, so latch on was difficult. My milk came in so I was hot, sore, and blistery. I knew this was common and would just cringe at the thought of another session and hold my breath when she'd latch on. Turning in the sheets killed and the shower water felt like needles. All the time this little perfect face on my chest was trying her hardest to fill up and doze off in baby milk bliss.

This part felt like forever, but only lasted so long (about 2-3 weeks really) and then baby and I got our rhythm down and it felt like the most natural way to get to know my little baby. To feel her, look at her, and feed her.

Now that was the first time.
Number 2 was different, not so dramatic of a realization for me that I was actually FEEDING a little baby and that baby knew more of how to do it then I did! With the first pregnancy I was thinking about and anticipating breastfeeding a lot. I even was with mother's in those first feeding because I was being a doula during my preg, so it was a real fulfillment to get to practice it myself. With my 2nd baby, it just seemed life a natural flow that was just another part of the birth. I really don't think that I even thought about the breastfeeding part of baby until she was hear and breastfeeding. It all just moved together in a very easy and natural way.

I do have a that same memory of just this little warm head on my breast and looking at that little face and feeling that breath on me. Such a moment.

My milk coming in wasn't as big of a trauma for me this time. It came ASAP and boob maintenance wasn't so hard this time either. As it got painfully full after the first 24 hours, I got to pumping the top off my milk for 5 mins. before nursing and it made it much easier to handle let down and baby and the whole thing. As a friend said to me recently, you just have to take care of your boobs as another job that comes with the baby. It all works out after a bit when you get through the first week or so.

The rest is to be written about in this log...=)

1 comment:

  1. I too remember the first times nursing and that sweet breath and head and my amazement at how easy and natural it was. And then when my milk came in it was so fulfilling that I could give her just what she needed. And the sound!

    But I also remember 90 degree days and my too fast let down and pouring sweat just trying to get baby to latch on! Now it is still this precious time between us and so many times I find that the world falls away when I am nursing and it is just that sound of her satisfaction and my own peace and contentment.